how they have survived, the tools and resources they developed and the characters they became in adapting to their 'childhood theatres'. In my Counselling and Psychotherapy practice, I work with clients from every walk of life who sense they are at some ‘critical point’ in their lives; perhaps stuck, confused and unsure of the way forward - at a crossroads. Discovering meaning and purpose in these ‘places’ can be transforming and help realise new perspectives and horizons. The continual struggle, when self-esteem is low, can feel overwhelming, and it can often take great courage to ask for help or support.

  • Who am I?
  • I don’t fit in!
  • Can I really let others know how I feel?
  • What if I tell them that?
  • What will they think of me?
  • They might not like me
  • I can’t say that!
  • They might reject me
  • Can I let people see this part of myself?
  • Am I good enough to be here?
  • What will others expect of me?

What if your pain were......

not saying no,

or, perhaps yes

acquiescence when you disagreed

perfunctoriness, not love, not kindness

guilt for resenting your agreement

the contortions of avoidance, of conflict, of fights, of disagreement

What if your pain were....

the shoulds, the musts and oughts

the lack of courage

the cowardice

the weakness

the guilt for the resented compromise

keeping the peace

What if your pain were.....

anything for an easy life

an 'easy come, easy go'

an 'oh alright then' you didn't mean

the 'blind eye'

the 'keeping stum'

the lack of honesty

not telling the truth

the simmering of hurt

the sublimation of fear

What if your pain were....

the 'leaving the room'

the 'going out'

the 'early night'

the 'too tired'

the 'stressed'

the fear of loneliness

of hurting a loved one

What if the pain were...

the fear of being seen as a psychopath

a narcissist

cold, detached, fearful, fearful, tearful

what if the pain were

disappointment that you're not applauded

not acclaimed

that you might fail

that you might be.....

so powerful you'll be too much.

but,..... don't worry,

thankfully, as Bob Dylan said:

"as great as you are man,

you'll never be greater than yourself."

"the vital criteria of personal integrity is whether you belong to your own life or not" - John O'Donohue

The struggle with the everyday questions above might give rise to any number of issues; lack of confidence and self-esteem, relationship difficulties, constant states of anxiety, depression, the stress of maintaining habitual behaviours, panic attacks, eating problems, outbursts of anger and rage, sexual problems, a lack of direction and purpose in life, effects of past trauma, feeling isolated, experiencing loss, chronic fatigue and on and on.

Our psychological symptoms are usually related to underlying, unconscious causes. Addressing these causes in therapy, can bring about significant and lasting change. My clients want to:

Regain a sense of Balance

Identify and make sense of what's going on currently, how they 'ended up here', and use their inner strengths and creative resources to regain balance, control and responsibilty for their lives

Reclaim a sense of Integrity

Gain insight into, and acceptance of, their unique individuality and difference, developing the confidence to be more of who they truly are

Find Purpose and Direction

Be able to see their own path more clearly and follow it with commitment and courage


have included; artists, bank managers, beauty therapists, photographers, bricklayers, writers, film directors, care home managers, carpenters, CEO's, civil servants, computer programmers, truck drivers, counsellors, drug rehabilitation counsellors, electricians, journalists, entrepreneurs, estate agents, dentists, farmers, students, health and saftey officers, media presenters, language teachers, life coaches, masseurs, media consultants, military and security personnel, musicians, oil rig engineers, osteopaths, police officers, priests, psychologists, psychotherapists, shop assistants, doctors, social workers, teachers, TV & film producers..... in short, all walks of life

© Clive Oxford

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